Now long-time readers may remember the saga of Gerald and my encounters with Boris at my old flat. To summarise, I thought I had a giant spider that turned out to be a mouse and just when the mouse seemed to vanish I had a few encounters with a giant and tenacious spider.
Here, I've had no direct mouse problems. Ironically, upstairs has had mice and sometime I hear the little bastards scampering of nibbling in the walls, but they don't seem to be in my flat. Spiders are a something else. Spiders are everywhere in every shape and size. I'm fairly used to seeing them, but every now and again there's one the size of your palm or the size of your fist that forces me to grab a glass and an envelope and forcibly eject it from the premises. Most big spiders tend to be quite gangly, unmistakably a spider and catching them without accidentally breaking one of their delicate legs is something of an art...
Tonight was different. It was not a mouse, that much was sure, though I doubted myself for a moment. I was sure it was a spider. It moved like a spider, but it was the size and speed of a freakin' mouse as it scurried under the TV unit that had, in the last flat, been the focal point for most of my early Gerald sightings. I figured it had just disappeared, as spiders do, and that would probably be the end of it... for tonight, at least. But then, I saw it crawling up the wall... Not even the wall near where I had seen it, but the side wall... Big, black on the white bit of wall above the gas fire. This was no gangly spider. It had muscles. It had texture. These were not legs that looked like they would accidentally snap. These were legs that looked like they could punch through anything too flimsy, like glass. This was hairy scary spider territory.
I hit pause on my V+ box for a film I'd seen a dozen times, hoping the act of freezing the action of the film would freeze the action of the arachnid and commanded it to stay put. "Don't you move, you bastard! You're way too big to stay!" I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a suitably sized glass and envelope, dashing back, half expecting to see it gone. But no, exactly where I left it. Curiously, it didn't scamper away. It made a few cursory moves as I adjusted the ornamentations that were in the way of my capturing it in the glass, but otherwise it put up little resistance. In fact, when the glass came down, it leapt from the wall into the glass as though welcoming it. Nonetheless, I carefully slid the envelope without breaking "the seal", and escorted it to the bathroom window, the farthest point of re-entry and threw him past the spider family living around my bathroom window (about half a dozen of them, competing in their daily web-design championships) and into the garden.
Afterwards, I gave a shiver. A genuine and heartfelt shiver. I swear I could see a little crown upon its head, declaring that it was king spider. And a little twirly moustache, perhaps even an eyepatch (no wooden legs). Ok, those might have been fancy, but it barely struggled. It just... looked at me. Grinning.
What is Anansi planning? Her minions have already firmly infiltrated this place. Why so blasé about her capture? I have no doubt that this is not Boris. Oh no. Anansi was not afraid. Not in the slightest.